Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Thinking positively

If one more person says "I admire your positive attitude," I might positively hit them.


I am a naturally positive person, but I also realise there are unpleasant things that I have to deal with or I am just fooling myself.

Yes, I consider myself lucky for so much. Being in the Swiss medical system, having the loving support of my husband, my housemate, my friends, the HUG cancer team, is beyond a blessing. It would be a miracle for many less fortunate than I am.

I also realise there are family members that are currently facing medical crisises far more serious than mine, but feeling lucky at someone else's expense if not a good thing. I still had a boob and some lymph nodes that wanted to kill me which I consider an unnecessary hostile action on the part of my body.

I can even say I can try to think it is positive that I am learning patience late in life because when I feel so tired. I try, notice the try, to not think of things I would be doing if I weren't tired.

Success rate?

Don't ask.

The positive thought? I feel tired but I don't vomit.

I feel positive that my remaining boob is small enough I still can go braless with a loose top.

I feel positive that there is pretty new underwear in my future. The bra will have a matching boob.

My wig is the hair I always wanted, but being bald bothers me.  Okay at 73 I am still vain. I miss my cute, 30, 40 and even 50 cute self.

I am not my body, I am not my body, I am not body is a mantra.

Still there are moments I'd like to crawl under my bed and suck my thumb wallowing in self pity. I looked under it. The floor is hard, there is a book already read, and dust bunnies.

Maybe the state under the bed is good thing. It reminds me of how comfortable the bed is.

Damn it, that I can't do negative well...is that a positive?


  1. Is that read book under the bed the one you borrowed from me and lost in the washer with your sheets? ;)