Tuesday, October 6, 2015
If one more person says "I admire your positive attitude," I might positively hit them.
I am a naturally positive person, but I also realise there are unpleasant things that I have to deal with or I am just fooling myself.
Yes, I consider myself lucky for so much. Being in the Swiss medical system, having the loving support of my husband, my housemate, my friends, the HUG cancer team, is beyond a blessing. It would be a miracle for many less fortunate than I am.
I also realise there are family members that are currently facing medical crisises far more serious than mine, but feeling lucky at someone else's expense if not a good thing. I still had a boob and some lymph nodes that wanted to kill me which I consider an unnecessary hostile action on the part of my body.
I can even say I can try to think it is positive that I am learning patience late in life because when I feel so tired. I try, notice the try, to not think of things I would be doing if I weren't tired.
The positive thought? I feel tired but I don't vomit.
I feel positive that my remaining boob is small enough I still can go braless with a loose top.
I feel positive that there is pretty new underwear in my future. The bra will have a matching boob.
I am not my body, I am not my body, I am not body is a mantra.
Still there are moments I'd like to crawl under my bed and suck my thumb wallowing in self pity. I looked under it. The floor is hard, there is a book already read, and dust bunnies.
Maybe the state under the bed is good thing. It reminds me of how comfortable the bed is.
Damn it, that I can't do negative well...is that a positive?
Posted by DL NELSON at 4:37 AM