I filled out the questionnaire for the pain study that I will participate in to see how women react to pain during breast cancer surgery.
It was easy to rate the level of pain for such things as hitting your funny bone and biting your tongue.
Where I ran into problem were the mood questions all of which were leaning toward the negative such as I did not feel too badly this week.
There was nothing to describe that I had moments of sheer joy this week and great pleasure. I don't expect questions such as did the Film Festival make you happy, sad, etc. but the mood of spending time watching six films, talking to two lovely friends while eating Italian food on a sunlit terrace, listening to the directors, feeling the buzz of the festival brought me a great moment of happiness.
Maybe I'm unrealistic to be undergoing so much pleasure at a time that is traumatic and frightening. Negative what ifs do enter my head usually in the middle of the night when I wake up because my bladder refuses to let me sleep. I think I'm recognizing those moments and rolling with them. At the same time, I'll be damned if I will let them stop me from flipping the emotional coin to the other side.